i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
