have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
