somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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