EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
