Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
A+ Viking dick
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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