Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
