Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
