My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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