I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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