She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
