Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
