I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
