Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
