Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
