I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
