me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
