KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
