How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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