matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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