If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
