ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
someone owes me an orgasm
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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