I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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