I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
it was like eating out sand paper
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
