I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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