I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
