God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
