I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
