Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
