dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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