my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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