I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
