I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
