I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My vagina is officially offended.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
