Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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