after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
