I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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