people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
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Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
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While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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