Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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