in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
