Will you blow on my dice?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Of course I have a pirate flag
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
