I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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