after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
