She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
