WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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