Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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