I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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