His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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