Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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