So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
