Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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