Whod you bang
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
