Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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