I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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