Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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