you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
