the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
