Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
