i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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