I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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