How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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