is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
