She went from zero to smokin in five shots
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
