sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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