After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
be right there i have to get my cape
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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