I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
