I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
