I wish my penis had an off switch
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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