Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you didnt know i had herpes?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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