I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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