what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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