Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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