Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Your tits are I can't wait for
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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