About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
