I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
