Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
