Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
