so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
is it fun? or sober?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
