...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
