Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
